Ace! Sirius Black Headcanons

 FANDOM: HARRY POTTER

  • Sirius, from a very young age, always shied away from touch and intimacy—a product of the Blacks’ harmful emotional and sexual repression
  • In fact, he hardly knew what physical displays of affection were until he came to Hogwarts and met a certain James Potter
  • James is all hugs, kisses and cuddles, and his expressions of affection are so infectious that one can’t help but join in
  • So, without doubt, this has a huge impact on Sirius. He finally finds out how amazing little hugs and cuddles can be, but even then, he is extremely selective about who he lets hug or cuddle him
  • Its initially just James, Remus and Peter, but later, Lily, Marlene and Alice also become part of the extremely close-knit group of People Who Can Hug Sirius Black
  • So, by the time they are 13-14, and the teenage hormones are kicking in and people are off having crushes and sexual fantasies, Sirius just feels—nothing
  • James is off lusting after Lily, Peter is busy getting off with Marlene, and even Remus goes around snogging a few blokes, but Sirius feels no sexual curiosity
  • In fact, this is when he discovers that he is actually kinda repulsed by the act of sex
  • And he finds himself confused and frustrated, thinking that he is broken somehow
  • When he confides in the other marauders, James and Peter are confused too, but Remus—who knows quite a bit about the LGBT+ spectrum—knows immediately that Sirius is asexual, and takes it upon himself to reassure Sirius that there is nothing wrong with him, that his sexuality is perfectly normal and valid
  • So, Remus becomes Sirius’ guide and saviour when it comes to sex and sexuality education. He tells Sirius everything about the gender and sexuality spectrums, and gives him the appropriate muggle sex ed. books so that he gets to learn more about these things
  • Through these books, Sirius also learns about romantic orientations
  •  And that’s when he slowly starts realizing that yep, he has a deep romantic attraction towards Remus
  • Because Remus is perfect and beautiful and smart, and whenever he smiles at him, Sirius’ stomach does a double-flip
  • But Sirius is scared of confessing his feelings, because Remus very obviously likes boys who would want to engage in ~sexual acts~ with him, and would obviously not be interested in dating Sirius
  • So Sirius resigns himself to pining and trying to get over his unrequited crush (which he very obviously fails at everytime Remus as much as looks at him)
  • At the end of fifth year, when the Yule Ball is about to be held and everyone’s busy trying to woo their respective dates (especially James, who simply refuses to take No for an answer in his pursuit of wooing the fair Lily Evans), Sirius sits dejectedly near the lake because obviously, the person he wants to ask will most probably say no
  • But, to his utter surprise, Remus joins him
  • “Whats wrong, Pads? Why are you sitting here on your own?”
  • “I-I-Nothing…I just…wanted to avoid the hullabaloo surrounding Yule Ball dates in the Common Room, y’know?”
  • “So you don’t want a date?”
  • “I-its not like that”
  • “Then you do want a date?”
  • Sirius doesn’t know how to reply, so all he says is a mumbled “Maybe?”
  • “Then why don’t you ask them?”
  • “Because…he wouldn’t want someone like me. He’d probably want someone who can actually…you know…dothat. Atleast, eventually”
  • “And what if you’re wrong?”
  • Sirius doesn’t know what to say to this. He looks up at Remus, who is suddenly staring at him with such intensity that he can’t look away. “I…I..”
  • “You know, Pads” says Remus, smiling so brightly that Sirius feels nearly blinded, “For all you intelligent scheming and pranks, you can be really stupid sometimes”
  • And before he knows it, Remus’ lips are on his
  • And the breath is nearly knocked out of his lungs
  • When they finally come up for air, Sirius asks “You really want to be my date?”
  •  “Really”, Remus replies, brushing a strand of Sirius’ hair and kissing his nose
  • And that’s how they begin dating. Remus, like the perfect human being he is, always respects Sirius’s boundaries and doesn’t care even a little bit about Sirius’ lack of sexual attraction. All they care is the fact that they love each other and are happy and cuddle and hug the fuck out of each other

 

ROHINI BANERJEE

MA ENGLISH, UNIVERSITY OF DELHI

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